Hey girl! I’m so grateful and happy that you’re listening into this episode today. We’re going to dive into a topic that is SUPER important – and one that is very near and dear to my heart – learning how to navigate through uncertainty and fear of the unknown. At the time that I’m recording this episode, I imagine this feeling is shared between all of us as we are not only working through a global pandemic, but also a presidential election – and
So for a lot of us right now, we’re finding ourselves navigating through this uncertainty. Whether that’s uncertainty within our career, politics, our relationships, or maybe it’s even an uncertainty around the growth (or future) of our own business – there’s a good chance that there’s not only feeling of uncertainty, but it might even be paired with some feelings of, stress, overwhelm and anxiety
I spent some time doing some research around the topic of uncertainty and I came across this old quote that was really interesting to me – it says “the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.”
How many of us can acknowledge our fear around the unknown?
It’s honestly something that’s so common for ALL of us because our brains are hardwired to want to know the answers or to at least be able to find the answers to questions. You know what I mean? We really don’t like feeling like we don’t know the answer to something or feeling like we can’t explain why something is happening.
It’s a rather unsettling feeling and is often something that many of us live with on a regular basis. Have you experienced a time recently when something was happening that was outside of your control, and that you had to come to terms with the fact that you had NO IDEA of how the situation was going to turn out? It produces a very strong set of emotions and we usually remember these moments in our lives because our fear of uncertainty is so strong.
All of our anxieties are future focused
And in doing more research on the topic, this feeling of uncertainty usually lays a groundwork that fuels our anxiety BECAUSE almost all of our anxieties are future focused. We usually feel really stressed or anxious thinking about all of the possible things that “could” or “might” happen to us in the future. So this feeling of uncertainty not only creates a physical response like anxiety, but it causes us to mentally start worrying and stressing about all of the possible worst case scenarios. We talked about this recently on the podcast – this idea that how we perceive stress in our life, actually affects our physical body and the ways that our bodies react to stress. For a lot of us, when we start to feel this anxiety around challenges or fear of the unknown, we immediately dive into thoughts of how things are going to turn out negatively.
“things must change inside you before they ever change around you”
I read this quote recently that said “things must change inside you before they ever change around you” and I thought it was really beautiful, especially when it comes to this topic around uncertainty. I think so often we get this idea that if we can control what’s happening around us or if we can control the outcomes to certain situations, that it will somehow make life easier and less stressful. We often think that some positive external event will help us magically be able to cope or deal with things better.
I know for me, I sometimes get in my head and think that if only my morning routine was better, I’d feel less stressed — or if I spent more time reading personal development books, I’d feel somehow more equipped to face life’s challenges — it’s so easy for us to tie these things together — a positive situation or external circumstance (that we control) will help us cope or be better equipped to handle life. It SEEMS like it makes sense, right?
Become very aware of your perspective
But let’s think about it for a second – just reading the book, doing the workout, having the morning routine – it’s not the act of DOING those things that changes our lives, it’s our MINDSET and our CHOSEN PERSPECTIVE that makes the difference. The reality here is that the key to handling life’s challenges, already exists inside of you. It doesn’t exist in a book or a workout or a meal plan or a routine – it lays in your thoughts, in your attitude and your beliefs about yourself.
So Girl, pull up your chair or get comfy on your couch. Grab your favorite blanket and your coffee or a tall glass of wine – because we’re going to chat about some things that you might be doing today, unconsciously, that might be feeding into this fear of uncertainty or worrying — and we’ll ALSO talk about how we can make a more conscious effort to strengthen our muscles that help us cope in a more healthy, positive way.
And just as a reminder before we dive in, please know that if you feel like you are struggling right now and that you need someone to talk things through with, I encourage you to speak to a coach or a therapist – there is so much power in finding that right person to really help guide you on a 1:1 level. My hope is that you can use these tools that we chat about today as invitations and potential ways to help you navigate through these times of uncertainty – while still continuing to do the deeper work necessary to really accept and embrace this season of life.
Handling uncertainty
So coming back to this feeling of uncertainty, I think a lot of the time, this fear of uncertainty is just the beginning – and it often grows into even more feelings of worry and fear. Because when we feel like we don’t know the answer or outcome to something, our brain will start trying to FIND the answer for us within our environment. But as we all know, our brains have no way of looking into the future to seeing the end result. Or at least, they don’t have that power YET lol.
And so what happens is that when we start to feel these feelings of uncertainty or fear, we start to visualize all of the possible scenarios that could happen – and we USUALLY start with the worst case scenarios – am I right? It’s not very often that we dream up best case scenarios when we’re coming from a place of fear or anxiety. And when we’re in this state of fear our brain goes into survival mode because it wants to protect us! It’s primal motive is to keep us alive and safe, and so it immediately starts dreaming up these scenarios in an effort to help “protect us” from possible threats in our future.
What are we allowing to fill our thoughts??
But the more time we spend thinking about these things, these worst case scenario situations, the more we are literally TRAINING our brains that this is the response that we WANT it to take. Because here’s the thing, our brains, just like every other muscle on our body, has muscle memory – and so the more time that we spend doing or thinking something, the more our brains will automatically revert back to that thought or activity in the future.
It really is so amazing just how complex our brains are, and we often take it for granted because it works without us having to tell it to. So instead of spending hours thinking about worst case scenarios, and strengthening THOSE muscles, let’s start taking time to practice more positive self-talk – to listen in and tune into our body and our needs – to check-in with ourselves and our emotions and make sure that our inner voice feels heard and taken care of. Because at the end of the day – we will likely never know the outcomes of any situation in life.
Everything that happens in life happens outside of our immediate control, and if we spent time worrying about those things we’d LITERALLY spend every second of every day worrying. 24/7. Non-stop. So maybe you’re feeling this fear and anxiety towards uncertainty right now – whenever you feel your brain start to spiral down that path of coming up with the worst case scenarios, take a moment to stop – breathe – and remind yourself that you are capable of working through any and all situations. If it’s helpful for you, maybe take a moment to think back to a time or a situation where something felt scary and you weren’t sure how you were going to push through, but you did.
Remind yourself that no matter what the outcome of any situation is, you already have ALL of the tools necessary inside of you to face it and keep going.
Another super common coping mechanism that popped up when doing some studying of this fear of uncertainty, is our desire to try and seek out any and all information around the topic at hand so we feel more “educated” and “better equipped” to handle the situation. Which to be honest, is a COMPLETELY REASONABLE response, right? Of course when something new or scary is happening we want to feel educated or prepared to face it — BUT just like how cramming for an exam the night before didn’t help our brains retain information, neither does it work for us in times like these. Our brains are only equipped to be able to process and make sense of a limited amount of information at a time – and that feeling of “information overwhelm” is a completely legitimate thing.
So at the end of the day, if you feel the urge to research and learn and to try to educate yourself when something feels uncertain, know that it’s 100% okay to do your research, but like anything else, try to do it in small daily amounts. And remember, although research might help you gain more insight around a specific topic, it may not necessarily help equip you to be able to face it any better. When we try to learn too much too quickly about something, it often leads us to feeling more confused than when we started.
Remember that you already have the tools you need inside of you
So do your research in small pockets, but remember that if you are faced with uncertainty, you likely already have the knowledge that you need and the capability inside of you to be able to work through it. I know this because here you are, listening to a podcast all about PERSONAL GROWTH!
Another thing that I found on this topic that we actually recently talked about on the podcast, is the desire to want to zone out or just “turn off” when we’re faced with the fear of uncertainty. This feeling that if we just numb ourselves enough or distract ourselves enough, we won’t have to face the reality of the situation. I am VERY familiar with this one because I was a world class distractor when it came to dealing with uncertainty.
As an enneagram 9, I crave structure, peace and harmony in all things. So when things would start to feel uncertain or I started feeling anxiety towards the unknown, it was all too easy to just find things I loved to do and completely distract myself and turn away from acknowledging my feelings.
And I can tell you, from personal experience, while it might seem like a good idea in the moment – our emotions and our feelings are an active energy that live inside of us, and eventually that energy needs to be processed and accepted. So unless we plan to distract ourselves literally every day of our lives (and really, who would want to live a watered down version of our life like that!?), this technique really isn’t helpful in strengthening our brain and our coping mechanisms.
Worst case scenario anxiety is real
And girl, trust me when I say — I KNOW that these times can feel SO TOUGH. I hope you know that I’m not speaking just from a place of knowledge – I truly am speaking from the heart because these are truths that are VERY REAL to me — the desire to imagine the worst case scenarios – the feeling like we constantly need to know more and be more educated – and that feeling of wanting to remove ourselves from the situation and zone out in front of our favorite Netflix shows — These are ALL feelings that I’ve experienced THIS YEAR, and some even within the last MONTH!
And hear me out — we should absolutely be making time and space for us to give ourselves a break or a night off – to spend a couple of hours watching our favorite movies or tv shows. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY OKAY TO DO – as long as we are using it as a reward and a break from our hard work, and not a long term SOLUTION. Like everything in life, there’s a balance between work and play – and the same rules apply on our personal growth journey. Give yourself nights off. Let yourself relax and unwind. Just be conscious of how these things make you feel, and be sure they’re not moving you back into the feelings of fear and anxiety.
So what are some things that we can do RIGHT NOW, TODAY when we start to feel these feelings of uncertainty and anxiety?
First things first – remember to breathe. Changing our breathing patterns, our thoughts, and even changing our locations are GREAT ways to get us out of our own heads, and back into the present moment.
When we take deep breaths, we are signaling to our nervous system that we need to slow down – and so it not only slows down our breathing, but according to the American Institute of Stress: it allows our hearts to beat slower, our muscles to relax and release tension, and can even help decrease our blood pressure. You can use this breathing technique when you start to feel anxious or afraid of uncertainty, but it’s even more impactful when you proactively add it into your day. Just taking 5 minutes can really make such a big difference in the long run.
Take a relaxing bath or shower
One of my favorite ways to help navigate through feelings of stress or anxiety, is Take a hot (or a cold) shower. I can’t tell you how many times a hot shower has instantly cured a bad mood or helped me feel less anxious about something happening in my life. And the hot or cold shower is completely up to you. There’s research that shows that by taking a cold shower, it can help decrease your blood pressure, decrease cortisol (as stress inducing hormone), and release endorphins. Personally for me, I find that the steam and hot water from a hot shower helps me take slow, deep breaths, which naturally helps to bring down my heart rate. It’s also just so incredibly relaxing and calming. And it’s even better when you add in some soft, meditative music to help you really slow down and come back to the present.
Change your location, atmosphere & energy
Also, when you start to feel these feelings of uncertainty, change your location / Get outside. There was a study that found that spending time in a natural (outdoor) environment seems to act almost like a “reset” button on our brains and helps us feel less anxious. For example, if you’re anything like me, when I think of the PERFECT day it usually consists of “laying by the beach or going for a hike or maybe laying by a pool or traveling and exploring new cities” — and what’s the one thing that all of these have in common? They’re all outdoors, and usually all involve being in the sun and soaking up some Vitamin D.
When we can take a break from our work, get out in the sun, and practice some slow breathing, it truly makes a world of a difference in our bodies and within our minds. When we can focus on nature and it’s calmness and natural beauty, we start to feel more positive emotions that can help us create a fresh new perspective – even if just for a few moments.
Remember, You’ve GOT THIS
Girl, I hope you know that I am SO dang proud of you. I hope that you can take a second today to look inward, see the version of you that is doing her best and pushing past her fears to make big moves, and I hope you take some time to truly celebrate the heck out of her today. I hope that you know that you’re not in this alone. That we are all learning how to navigate through these feelings and fears of uncertainty and that it is truly a PROCESS.
I hope that you remember that the strength, knowledge and courage that you need to face another day already exists inside you. I hope that you take some time today to check in with yourself and your feelings and just acknowledge and accept that who you are right now, is enough. And girl, remember to breathe today. Take a long hot or a cold shower and just allow yourself to be present and enjoy that moment. If you can, get outside and let your body soak up some much needed vitamin D. You’re doing amazing and I’m so grateful that we can continue to figure all of this out together. I am always here for you and cheering you on. Until next time, friend…
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